Dear Nikol,

I just discovered that a friend of mine might be dating one of my exes. My initial reaction was “WTF??” But after thinking about it, good for them. I just feel pissy because they seem to be keeping it from me. Should I flat out ask them what’s up or leave it alone.

- I Want The Truth

Dear Truth,

Ask them. If you don’t ask them, it’s just something hanging between the three of you. I’m assuming that if they are keeping it from you, they’re keeping it from a lot of people, because with this newfangled Internet, it’s pretty evident when people are dating, so it could be that they are just testing the waters, seeing if it’s going to work out before letting anyone know.

It also could be that they are afraid of your reaction. If that’s the case, you should talk to them about those fears, then determine if they are based in reality at all. Are you the sort of person who reacts poorly to things? Since she’s an ex, there are likely reasons things didn’t work out. This could be an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself, like that you can be kind of an asshole about things, so people keep them from you.

It’s also likely that the secretive aspect is enjoyable for them. It’s not quite on the same level as the sort of rush some people get from cheating, knowing they are doing something taboo, which makes it feel even sexier. But having a thing that is sort of a secret, just between two people, can make it feel for those two people like they have a stronger bond.

Then again, this could all be a load of cr ...  more